Today was a rough day. I’ve been back at work for four weeks, but I was in a training class most of last week and again yesterday. But today, sitting at my desk, listening to the regular banter of my coworkers, I realized I feel like an outsider.

Things have changed since March. Friendships have developed, projects have been completed and new ones have taken their place, and new people have started working with us. But I missed it all on maternity leave. The office is different, not in a good way or bad way, just different. I feel like an outsider.

I really enjoy my coworkers. They are the most creative people I have ever worked with. They are also great friends who all genuinely care about each other. We all know when someone’s child or mother is sick and we keep close tabs on the recovery process. We stop by each other’s cubes and chat about weekend plans and home renovations. But I still feel like an outsider.

Inside jokes are laughed at and whispering conversations are barely heard. Sometimes I feel like they only see me as a familiar stranger. They know I’m not going to be around much longer.

But maybe most of it is me. I miss Hayden. I hate dropping Jacob off at daycare and not being able to make him laugh all day and comfort him when he cries. Maybe I’m distancing myself from my coworkers because I’m leaving soon–I know this is a stage of the process I will go through since I am about to move away.

Maybe tomorrow will be better…I hear we will have cookies at our staff meeting đŸ™‚